Grade retention
by Arthur Eisner
Summary: Either Hachiman repeats a grade or the service club deals with a strange request.
1. Hikigaya Hachiman fails calmly

A/N: Hi, I hope you will like this story, it wíll start slow in this chapter to forge a status quo and boredom, will hopefully get more exciting in the future. Anyway thanks for reading hope will enjoy this.

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Chapter 1: Hikigaya Hachiman **fails** calmly.

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The dark is blue and endless and you don't even remember how oxygen tastes like.

You float and there's a dim light shining through the endless layer of blue. You float down, each second you spend falling adds a little more weight to your body. Like if someone was burying you alive. You start to wiggle, uncomfortable with the idea, but it's no use anymore. You are past the point of no return. Tons of ocean water, dark and cold and populated by monsters, are crushing you. Your eardrums are pressurized, like a shaken champagne bottle, like a can of coca-cola, waiting for a signal to erupt. In contrast your lungs are getting smaller with each inch you travel down into the mouth of darkness, they crumble as easy as a paper.

You know what to do, you have to breathe out.

But you need oxygen to live too. So the question is not if your lungs are going to collapse, the question is if you want to drown or die of organ failure.

Then your eyes are closing as your brain starts flickering out on you.

You don't want to but you're losing control anyway, so you give up and cough up bubbles. The pain in your lungs goes away, but that doesn't change the feeling at all. You want to breathe. You really want to breathe. But you have to suppress it, if you breathe in... you're dead.

And then you're so deep, the sun can't even shine through all the mass of water above you.

You're awaiting some outbreak of panic.  
You're awaiting some fast-forwarded film of your pathetic life.

But it just doesn't come.

Oh well.

And your eardrums finally explode.

As the water goes murky scarlet, you feel it enter your head along with a surge of pain. It enters your brain, it becomes you. You are the water around you. You crush yourself. You are your own doom.

You think stupid without oxygen.

And just as you stop thinking, you breath in. A reflex.

And this is how it feels to drown.

This is how it feels to die.

I jumped up and drew in as much air as I could, still trapped in the middle of the nightmare. I made myself cough a few times just to be sure, but no water. Then I looked around, the usual morning classroom some period in session. Hiratsuka-sensei was sitting behind her desk and everyone was scribbling away. I stretched and rubbed my face, then put my hands behind my head. It was that drowning dream again. I've had this dream four times. The first twice it was like a shock to my system, I was so upset by it, I couldn't sleep for days afterwards. The third time it happened I couldn't sleep for days before. And I was ready for it when it came. So ready. I shot out of that dream so quickly I didn't even get to the bubble part.

Now I'd almost forgotten, it had been so long since the last one...

"Okay everyone, finish up, Ebina start collecting from the last row," Hiratsuka-sensei announced.

Ebina stood up and walked up to Miura took the paper, went to Yuigahama, went to me took mine, shook her head and went on ahead.

In the end I wasn't able to write anything. And this was my last chance to get a passing grade at Math. I fell asleep somewhere in the middle, because I was desperately trying not to sleep the whole week, I didn't want to dream about that again. And everytime I got that dream, I felt that if I wasn't fast enough... well I don' really know.

Oh and I just failed the subject. Not really sure if the outcome would be different with me awake, but it gives me a decent excuse to myself at the very least. Maybe I would be able to live with seeing my reflection in the mirror then.

Ebina handed over the papers and Hiratsuka-sensei looked at a few random ones.

Sensei nodded to herself in agreement, she smiled over at the star pupil, she showed thumbs up to Totsuka, ah here we go an expression of utter disgust, that's me over here.

"Hey," Yuigahama called for me and I turned around. "So how did you do, Hikki?"

I yawned, "Pretty good actually, I think those extra lessons Yukinoshita gave me are finally paying off."

"Oh really," but Yuigahama wasn't convinced. "I thought you fell asleep in the middle, didn't you?"

"Yeah that, I was finished already and I didn't have anything else to do," I lied my ass off there, but whatever. I know I should tell her but what can be done today, can as well be done tomorrow or how's the saying?

I'll just deal with it when it all falls crushing down on my head. That's my style and it's too late in the day to hope for a change.

And besides, I just couldn't get my head around the dream.

"Something happened Hikki?" Yuigahama, the caretaker said.

Huh?

"That dream again?" She asked with geniuine concern.

I nodded.

Yeah I told her about it, I couldn't play it off as my dead fish eyes stage two forever.

"Seriously what's up with that," I shook my head. "It's not like I can't swim or anything and I'm not scared of water at all."

She closed her eyes and crossed her arms, "You're getting it wrong, you know, sometimes dreams are foggy like that and tell us something we're not thinking at all."

So it's about how we interpret them?

She reached in her bag and took out her phone, "Yeah, you said you were drowning right?"

She began to search some sites on her phone, from what I gathered it was some page about dreams.

"What about it?" She snapped at me. "Do you want to know what it means or not?"

Depends.

"Depends on what?" She tilted her head, getting angry.

On if it's some kind of witch cook book nonsense or something actually proven.

"Take it or leave it," she was pissed, but still searched for the word 'drowning'.

The bell rang and everyone started to leave, but I was too curious at this point to leave it at that.

"So what does it say?" I asked her just as she started to stand up, stopping her.

"It's right over here... 'failure, break-down, demise, drowning also depicts fear of being overwhelmed by difficult emotions or anxieties. But this might apply not to dangerous emotions or urges, but to natural ones, that some people have enormous conflicts about'," she said, then chuckled to herself. "Sounds about right?"

Not sure I get it.

"We should head to the club Hikki."

"So, are we going?" Yuigahama pressed when I was silent for a while, but I shook my head.

"Not today, I have to renew my ID," just as this left my mouth, Yuigahama frowned not believing a word I said. "What? It's outdated, got void last September, I don't want to pay the fine."

Through my speech she didn't say a word, she not even looked at me, just stuffed her bag getting ready to leave.

"It's not just an excuse, I already told Yukinoshita," I tried to assure her.

"What did Yukinon say?"

"Oh, I had the excuse in written form singed by my parents so she couldn't protest much, doesn't mean she didn't of course."

"Of course," she closed her bag angry-like then smiled. "Fine. Try to come if you have the time afterwards Hikki."

It's not like I didn't want to go to the club, the way Yukinoshita put it and Yuigahama looked right now they thought I just made it up. But it's true dammit, I started to kinda reconsider but then remembered my parents drumming me about the importance of having a valid ID, I guess they were more worried about the fine than the ID itself and lately I couldn't really go around with not listening to them.

I sighed, oh well.

"By the way," Yuigahama stopped in the middle of the class door not leaving me any chance to retreat. "You aren't using this excuse to mess around with some other female company, are you? Ishikki is sick since yesterday, after all."

I smiled, jokingly, "Me going on an actual date, that would be a blast."

She puffed her cheeks, turned around and walked away. I followed, pleased with the result.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," I said.

"See you _later_."

She was heading toward the club building, alone. I didn't know how I did it. But I pulled it off, somehow I managed to avoid the club today. I wanted to rejoice, maybe inquire a new holiday, but I still had to change that damned ID or I could say goodbye to dinner today.

All around the students were smiling, leaving the school building. Either they were heading home, to their clubs or just simply for a stroll in the town. The snow already started to melt and Sun shinned warmly and happily over the horizon, no sing of the calamity that happened a short while ago. Overall I was in a pretty good shape both physically and mentally. That's why I didn't understand. I thought back to that endless blue I drowned in while sleeping in the classroom. It felt... so real. No. I decided that the more I thought about it the more I would be scared of going to sleep, so I just concentrated on the task at hand, telling myself the nightmare was really over.

It had to be.

I bought a transfer ticket and waited for the right bus at the bus stop. The sun went behind a cloud and cold breeze rattled around the people at the station, some old woman cussed violently behind me, I paid no attention. The bus came, stopped and I let the people inside get out first. After that I went in and the door closed into my face. Nothing unusual given the time, the bus was packed. The people inside were coughing, playing handheld games, reading, texting, just sitting there, stepping around in the snow-mud slush, listening to MP3's, sleeping, fogging the window then writing on it, each as uncomfortable with the presence of other people as they can get. If I could read minds, I'd shoot my brains out right there. Bored as hell, I watched what other people did for fifteen minutes. When my stop came I went out and immediately strolled over to the boring white building, the municipal office. The sidewalk was still grossed out with salt and now that it was unnecessary it became a nuisance and I couldn't shake the thought that I was walking in two pretzel boots. Heh, how exactly bored I was anyway? I stepped on the pressure-mat and the automatic door slid open. It was like walking into a furnace, no doubt all the heaters were set to maximum. Beside the door was that sticker pull machine, where you choose what you want and it gives you a waiting number. I pushed the button, pulled it out and sat down taking the ID request form from the reception. I finished, screwed up the date and took another form. This time I got it right and my number came on. The office lady smiled at me, then laughed to herself what idiot could go around half a year with an invalid ID. If she has this much fun from something like this, her job must be hell. But I leaked too much with self pity to offer her any. She took my old ID, gave a me substitute stamped paper and said mine would be done in two weeks. I left the building.

I scratched my head.

Is the real world really this boring?

I started to look forward to the club tomorrow and I looked forward to it real bad.

Or maybe it was just me. Maybe the world doesn't need to be changed if you try to have fun in it.

Maybe I just have to take the initiative.

"Nah," I chuckled to myself.

As I walked back to the bus stop, there was a man and a woman arguing in the alley. People started to crowd around and I decided to see what's up myself. It turned out he let his lover borrow the cables and so they couldn't start it with all the cold that passed not so long ago.

Nobody was going to help them, I sighed, why does it always have to be me?

I pushed through the people who just stood and watched, and said, "Do you need any help?"

"What?" The woman looked up at me and forced a smile. "N-No, we can handle it."

"Really? Fine then."

"But he blown a tire too!" She shouted pointing at her husband, or whatever they were to each other. "It's all because of that whore!"

"Slow down, too much information and I can't help with that," I raised my hands in the air defensively. "About the tire... do you have a reserve?"

It was the man's turn to speak, "Yeah, but the jack... it's old and rusty, not safe."

I pulled up my sleeves already steeling my courage, "We'll manage. Better than just watch and do nothing."

I could feel the people behind me tense up.

"Okay, thanks," the man said and walked over to the back of the car.

He opened the trunk. Someone had recently done laundry. There were two small baskets of fresh, sweet smelling laundry. Or maybe she kicked him out. He dug around and pulled out a small, slightly rusted jack.

He turned and walked toward the tire. The woman glared at me, furious with shame. I felt helpless before her. The tire was shredded, as if they drove on it for blocks. Or maybe someone intentionally destroyed it, maybe that lover of his. The man crouched, the jack between his legs. He wedged it under the fender. The jack was intended for a much smaller car, and it cranked slowly with a groan of metal. There was a screeching noise and the car began to sway.

"Help him," the woman said.

Now my previous courage was gone. I didn't want to touch the jack. My skin felt cold and fragile and I could see the teeth slipping and my hand catching between jack and fender. Two fingers cut off at the knuckle, dropping to the ground like the guts of a chicken. I clenched my fist and resisted the urge to count my fingers. I'm such an idiot. Why did I sing up for this in the first place?

"I'll crank it," I said, thinking I picked the easier thing out of two.

The car rose unsteadily, like a horse with broken legs. The man put his weight against the car to stop the sway. If it fell, he'd be unable to stop it. There would be blood and drama.

My world certainly wouldn't be boring anymore. The man loosened the bad tire and dragged it aside. I rested my hands lightly on either side of the jack, just watching. The spare tire was bald as an egg, with pale swellings in the sides. That won't last long. The man sighed and I shrugged.

"Get in and I'll push it, or I'll try to," I said and the man nodded.

The car refused a few times but then the engine finally caught on. He stopped it and his wife got in. I just waved at them to go and they both smiled at me. And then the shouting about the lover came back on.

I was tired and drenched like hell, but it felt good. I guess.

There's no doubt they're gonna divorce, but for the sake of the moment let's assume they're happily ever after together.

I know what you think, but all this was actually important.

The way home wasn't as boring as the previous bus ride,don't know if I was pumped with adrenaline or optimism, but somehow I missed the gloomy atmosphere that I described earlier. I guess it's because I thought it over and over, because I had something to think about.

When I got home, it was dark already.

I noticed the cat scratching away at the front door, "Who kicked you out again? Or did you get back to your old running away tricks?"

I opened the door and the cat ran in, then disappeared somewhere.

"So how did it go?" Came from the living room along with sound of TV. "Do you have it?"

"Not yet, dad, they need two weeks to make it," I answered and took off my jacket then went into the living room.

He nodded to himself, "Good and the test?"

Yeah that... just great.

"Hm?" He turned to me."What did you mean by that?"

That I did well? It won't be an A, but I think I did good, you have nothing to worry about.

"I'll believe that when I see the results," he closed his eyes snapping into the lecture tone.

But you won't really kick me out if I fail, will you?

"You won't really fail, will you?"

No, I won't.

"Then you have nothing to worry about, son," he said and went back to the TV.

A soccer match was on.

"So you want to watch with me for a while?" He asked.

I looked at the screen. Lately the matches were getting more and more tedious, boring. The important things like goals happened when I was away from the screen and replays weren't quite the thing. Is it just me, or is everything getting boring lately? Seriously what's happening to me?

"No, I'll pass," I started to walk away. "I'll be in my room."

On my way I greeted mom in the kitchen, who reminded me that dinner is going to be soon. I went to my room and closed the door, then collapsed on my bed. I was really tired, not counting the classroom thing I didn't sleep in quite a while. Now that I think about it, I haven't really slept in a while. Not like I couldn't, I just didn't want to.

Then it came over me and my eyes almost closed.

I shot up violently, "Have to keep myself awake."

There will be the dinner, I won't be able to sleep there. Then there's after-dinner, what then? Boredom and sleepiness? No way. I got my phone and dialed Yukinoshita.

It rang, "Oh hey, it's me, I'm home now, so uh... are you both still in the club?"

" _D_ _rooling already_ _, Hikiliar-kun_ _? Well that's too bad, you already missed your chance,_ " and she hung up.

Damnit!

I had to create some alternative plan, I couldn't call up Yuigahama now, Yukinoshita would know. Somehow she would. She knows everything. So I couldn't call her and I didn't want to bother Totsuka, and Isshiki was sick or something, so what to do?

I could always study, but I didn't want to do that too, because it didn't matter anymore.

In the end I decided to fool around the computer the whole night.

So after the dinner I closed myself up in my room and did stuff online.

I dealt with my portion of spam, checked if class had some new events or something and listened to some music.

After a few hours, my sister started banging on my door to go to sleep. So I had to turn it off and lay down for real.

I fooled around my phone and played 'snake'. The only game I managed to get onto it until my parents came. It was satisfying, for a while.

What now?

I sent a message to Yuigahama: _What's up?_ She replied: _I'm sleeping, that's up_.

She actually replied, unlike Yukinoshita.

I looked at the time. Half past three, it was time to sleep.

Yeah it was time to go to sleep.

But.

I didn't want to sleep.

Not just yet.


	2. For a higher cause

Chapter 2: For a higher cause

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You fall into the water and the shock from the ice cold liquid paralyzes your muscles.

You're unable to move.

One of the first things you think about are all those breath holding bets you lost as a kid. You remember there was a guy in your class who was able to hold his breath for two minutes underwater and for three out in the open. Unfortunately, you aren't the lucky bastard.

Your clothes are getting soaked and you gain weight, your slow descent into the watery hell gains speed.

You don't want this. You are afraid. But if you stayed behind you would be alone. The service club needed you here - you went. Nobody really planned the things to turn out like this. The water pushes your eyes back into the sockets, but if nothing you at least want to see it through to the end. Live as long as you're alive.

Then your eyes are closing as your brain starts flickering out on you.

Your lungs are getting crushed, they hurt like if you ran and smoked at the same time.

You don't want to but you're losing control anyway, so you give up and cough up the oxygen you were holding in. The pain goes away, but now you hold the urge to breathe in. You have to hold it. Self-preservation. It doesn't matter how much the brain screams for oxygen, you just won't get it.

Deal with it.

And your eardrums explode. And you become one with all the water around you.

You're not a person anymore. You don't need a name anymore. You don't have to be who you are anymore. You're just weight, meat, fish feed. You're part of the water, of something bigger, you're just one object hidden inside of the bigger picture. And of course the trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close-up.

And you continue to float down as though impatient to sink into the darkness that is opening up to swallow you.

Pink and gray sky, the color of muscle. With my mind emptied I just realized I was already walking the street on my way to school. Some truck screamed past and its exhaust drifted into dark flowers that hanged on the air and faded away like if I was staring through a mirror stained with my own fingerprints. And I was, earlier today. I just stood in the bathroom watching my reflection, splashing cold water to my face, trying to forget I had the dream again.

In the end I fell asleep, probably because I tried so hard to stay awake.

It meant that now I had the dream two days in a row. Usually it left me alone for at least three days after I had it. But now it was recurring. Maybe something was coming. One thing was clear though, no matter what, I couldn't let myself fall asleep today.

"Man, I'm such a loser."

I kicked some stone out of my way.

As much as I hated to admit it I looked forward to the club, I looked forward to Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, even our clients and their schemes, because with all that there was just no possible way that I'd fall asleep.

Other than that it was your typical Thursday morning. It was still a little cold, but the snow kept melting slowly and the streets weren't that slippery anymore. The sun was still weak, but the rays felt welcoming and warm. Everyone had that kind of a grumpy expression, cuz it wasn't Friday and they still had one more day of school to worry about before the weekend. Or was it? I looked over at the other side of the road, the students were smiling over there. When I got to the gate the feeling intensified, I felt like I did my first day in school. Nervous, unsure of what comes next. I wanted to run away.

"What's this about?" I said aloud as the people started to clear me a path. "It's not like I reek of dead fish."

I felt the eyes on me, but when I looked they were already looking at something else. But I knew what they were looking at. For a second I didn't get it, my brain probably numbed by sleepiness but then the gears clicked together and I realized what was wrong.

Rumors spread faster than plague. Either people know about my miserable perfomance from yesterday long before me, or it's just that I'm Hikigaya Hachiman.

After all this is normal for me.

I buried my hands in my pockets and let out a sigh, like I could avoid this anyhow.

But it's there and people need only a little to stare at you like idiots. They need to talk about other people behind their backs. They need to escape their own secrets. They have to turn a blindfold over their own trash. And this applies to everyone.

In the hallway it was more tense than outside because of the cramped space, people tried to walk as much away from me as possible without any sort of an eye contact.

But it wasn't that bad, all in all people just avoided me. That's the goal isn't it? It was my class I feared about the most.

The bell rang, I had to go in.

Well, here goes.

I slid open the door and almost immediately all the chatter inside stopped. Some of my classmates even jumped up, frightened like. I could easily read what went on in their minds.

Speak of the devil.

The atmosphere was dry, heavy. Holding the door, I wasn't sure what I should do. I scanned the class one more time and Yuigahama or Totsuka weren't there yet. There was no reason to linger around.

I smiled and turned around, "Sorry, wrong funeral."

"Yahallo~," said Yuigahama walking up to me in the hallway. "Why aren't you already in, Hikki? You trying to ditch?"

"Yo, nah, just forgot something," I replied.

"Let's just go, come on, there's no time, come on," she pushed me inside.

"Oh," she just watched it for a short while. "Now I get it. You did something bad again didn't you."

I put my bag on my desk and sat down, "Do people really need so little to spread rumors around?"

"In other words they're gossiping us," Yuigahama sat down herself, then threw her bag on the desk angry as hell.

"Well, just me, in fact."

"And why is that?"

Maybe because you were the talk of the school long before any of this.

The angry expression she plastered up before shifted a gear and she switched in a lot more scarier look. Her pissed-off-o-meter was probably skyrocketing. To put in an animal, I felt as if I just pulled a lion by its tail. I should really do something with that mumbling to myself.

She stood up and opened her mouth prepared to shout at me, but then looked at the class.

Yuigahama Yui just stared for a while then just sat down. Hm, I just watched a bomb worth billions innocently puff. I turned around and understood. The class wasn't as noisy as usual and everyone was staring at us. I turned back to her and she just shrugged, then she calmly picked up her pen prepared to take notes.

I also turned back to the blackboard, crossed my arms and mumbled to myself, "Fine, I'll sing your freaking divorce papers for Christ's sake."

From behind I heard something snap.

A pen maybe?

Smiling I shook my head to myself.

Then Hiratsuka-sensei came in and class began.

Anyway, I decided not to worry about that, it wasn't like I had any means to stop it. In fact frantically trying to decline anything would be only worse. And whatever they bring, words will never hurt me. It could also be much, much worse. Rumors about me, okay nevermind. I can ignore them, wait them out. Now imagine if they concerned Yuigahama or Yukinoshita. What would happen? Nothing pleasant, that's what.

"Okay, then," Hiratsuka finished writing some notes into the class-book and stood up.

She took a pile of papers with her and gave it to Ooka, told him to spread it around the class.

The test from yesterday?

Eying my classmates and their reactions I couldn't help but feel a little tensed up. I was kinda ready for it though, but still... I mean, damn, don't teachers have anything better to do with their time? We had this test yesterday and here go the results. I thought I could play safe for a while.

Ooka took a paper out of the pile and looked my direction. I felt the sudden urge to use the bathroom. But then I decided to just screw it, I already failed. I knew it. I accepted it, why should I ruin my day by being tense about something that already happened.

He placed the paper on my desk and muttered, "Looks pretty bad, man."

Like I asked for your damn opinion.

He shook his head and continued spreading the tests.

But nothing can be done about that I guess. People like other people's failure. It's similar to watching someone fail to bungee-jump on TV. It's fun without the danger - it isn't happening to you. If it was, you wouldn't have that ugly smile plastered on your face.

I took the paper and immediately rolled my eyes.

Guess I prayed for a miracle for nothing.

I got F with a side note, _"Come see me before you go home."_

This could be translated as, _"I'll tell you again all about you failing the subject, you stupid little asshole, how can't you get it right, it's so easy."_

Whatever, I couldn't care less about the Hiratsuka-sensei's opinion, as long as my parents didn't know about it. That reminded me to make up some decent excuse for repeating this year. But nothing came to mind.

Anyway, I turned around interested in what Yuigahama scored.

I indicated with my chin and she threw the paper on the desk, disgusted.

An A-, now that's the end of the world. She wasn't the top and it was like a second place in some race for her or something. I know math is something even Yuigahama Yui can shine in and she's pround of that. But the silver isn't gold, I guess.

"What are you so angry about?" I asked, pissed that she's pissed over this. "Some people would kill to get this grade once without cheating."

She crossed her arms, "People like you?"

For a second I didn't realize the cue to see what I got, so I stared like an idiot.

"Oh, yeah," I finally got it. "I got C, I guess I'll pass with that."

Lying to her was like trying to extinguish a volcano with one tiny droplet of water. It wouldn't even reach the lava.

Yuigahama nodded to herself, "Could be better Hikki, but it's true that Yukinon did not have much of a material to work with, after all."

Sure, sure, and of course I'm the reason you haven't got an A+ too.

"But of course you are."

But of course.

I turned back around.

Then Hiratsuka collected the tests back and told us to open our notebooks, it was time to move the lesson on. It was something called Permutation. If I wasn't already used to this crap, I'd feel the same way Alice in the wonderland probably did. Dunno when it started, but I hate Math. I looked over my shoulder and saw an already eager Yuigahama swallow up all the numbers that appeared on the board, it looked like she already figured it all out. No way, I didn't want to believe it.

She reminded me that I didn't want to fall asleep. Looking at my watch it was impossible, there was just no way I'd be able to stay awake through this. I had to do something if I didn't want to drown. Such an urge to not sleep in the middle of a lesson never occured to me.

I raised up my hand, "Excuse me, may I go the bathroom? Please?"

Hiratsuka-sensei turned around and thought for a while, probably pondering my recent grade free-fall, but then gestured toward the door with a chalk in her hand.

I left the class without much of my previous attention and really went to the bathroom, but that was just the first stop.

Inside, I splashed some cold water to my face. Focus. Concentrate. Think. I walked through the main hall and right into the cafeteria, there were some vending machines lined on one side of it. I chose iced coffee and waited. It started to roll out of that string thing. Then it got stuck in the middle of the screw. It almost looked like someone wanted me to sleep, like if someone wanted me to drown. Shaking the needless paranoia away, I grabbed the machine in both hands and using its own weight smashed with the upper half of it into the wall behind.

My can of iced coffee fell out along with a bag of chips as a bonus. Sometimes things work just fine when you add force to it.

Well, not like I'm allergic to potatoes.

I opened the coffee, downed half of it and went back to my class.

Before I entered the room I drank the rest and hid the chips behind my back.

When I got inside Yuigahama was looking at me.

"There you are," she nagged as I sat down. "Thought you fell asleep in a hallway."

Ha, ha.

Funny.

I handed her the bag of chips and extended my left cheek for some kind of a gratitude.

She didn't take them and pushed my head back with her hand, "H-Hikki? Ehe, what are you doing?"

I thought we were club mates.

"We are, b-but we aren't going out..."

When I sat down - a heat wave brushed over me. What did I just do? It felt like I changed gears to a neutral ridding up a steep hill. Few days without sleep and I'm derailed and out of whack. Looking back, Yuigahama was red as tomato and obviously wasn't much smarter about the situation either.

Well, nevermind. Like usual, we are going to pretend nothing happened and our relationship will stay in status quo. We have to think about our audience after all.

Anyway the rest of the morning lessons, I felt myself dozing off a few times, but I managed to hold it with the help of the coffee. I had to buy three more cans and my heart was starting to race a little, but as I thought at the time – screw my heart, everything's better than the nightmare. When lunch came I went to do situps at my usual spot to keep me awake.

"Whoa, this gets me even more tired."

I sighed, slapped at my pockets. There was some change, but I didn't know how much of coffee my body was able to take in in about seven hours. I still remember my uncle and his habit of drinking six cups of coffee whenever he came over. He died of a heart attack in his mid-thirties. But as I said, everything's better than the dream. There's nothing like it. When you wake up and realize that it was all just a dream, but you still feel that if you didn't realize that, you'd really drown right there... I never was on the verge of drowning before, but I thought it would look and feel exactly as it did in the dream.

When the last lesson ended and everyone cheerfully left the classroom, I was slower than usual, Yuigahama stopped just before the door and said, "So are we going?"

"Since when do lazy bastards like me deserve this kind of sympathy," I took my bag and approached her.

"We are friends after all," she said.

"So, you have accepted the truth?"

"I did, but sometimes it's... well you know..."

She looked as if she drank a bottle vinegar. "Some days you seem to be distancing yourself from us, from me, like if you were forced to interact with us. Like if someone ordered you to."

"I change slowly everyday, step by step."

That is the official version I told her, the truth is I keep my distance because I'm afraid. Scared of how my approach would mess things up in her life. We could be dating already if I manned up, if I was more selfish. You know what I mean. That and I can't divide myself in two or three. Then again I want to approach her and Yukinoshita, I want to be with her, but it's just... I don't know, getting emotional again. And you don't want that, right?

So, back to the plot.

After that she didn't push the matter further and neither did I. We went to the club. I opened the door and held it for her pretending a real gentleman.

"Yahallo~" waving she went to Yukinoshita.

"Hello, Yui-san."

Yukinoshita sat in her seat reading, a warm cup of tea before her, it always makes me wonder how she gets here first all the time. World is full of mysteries, I guess.

"Yo."

"Looking a lot more like a derelict wreckage today Hikigaya-kun," she said. "Everyone works on their image I suppose, but it feels like today I don't even have to insult you."

"Then don't. Easy."

I go to the kettle and turn it on.

"I made tea for you already," she says surprised or offended like. "Guests should be taken care of, even unwanted ones."

I wave it off.

"Whatever would you do without me."

"Lived our lives happilly ever after no doubt."

"Ehehe~" And Yuigahama sat there smiling scratching the back of her head.

This went on for a while, then we ran out of steam and the usual scene settled in. Yuigahama was rocking left and right, playing with her phone. Yukinoshita was reading something sipping tea, eying me from time to time.

Self-induced boredom. Normal days I would be overjoyed, but now I didn't like it.

"We could play some game to pass the time," I said, "Chess, cards, something."

Something to occuppy the mind.

"I suppose so," Yukinoshita answered and went back somewhere then came up with a chess set.

Oh boy, no resistance, means she plays it like a pro, oh boy.

My eyes already began to close and we didn't even finish the first round.

Drank another cup of coffee.

I got a feeling that this is gonna be a very long afternoon.

My last piece defending the queen fell and I sprawled back into the chair. Yukinoshita had her usual frown/smile, but kind of twisted. Guess she wanted to show how badass she is, or she just found another way I creep her out of her cool. Or she just sneered right at me because she won a third round in a row. Then again maybe it wasn't the third. After all the coffee I drank, I got a feeling a Duracell rabbit has. On the outside I was all fine and dandy, but somewhere deep down in the core I was still as messed up as I was one coffee ago.

"Another one?" Yukinoshita asked with a wicked smile, enjoying every second of my defeat.

I stretched, one more game and I'm dead for sure – with the nightmare or without it.

Shaking my head I denied her and looked at what Yuigahama was doing.

"What are you doing anyway?" I asked her, "You didn't say a thing in a while."

"Ah nothing important really, just surfing around," her voice reeked of boredom.

"Found anything good? Jokes, News, Trivia?"

"Not really."

Then it happened.

The door swung open with a great force almost falling out of frame. Then nothing for a while, we just looked at each other.

" **HIKIGAYA** "

I fell, the chair crashed on the ground with me, but all in all I was up in no time. This was it. It came for me.

"Hello there Hiratsuka-sensei, how are you today?" Yukinoshita replied heavy on the sarcasm.

"S-Sensei?!" Yuigahama was just shocked I guess.

Not me.

I ran up to the window, openned it, considering jumping out, but we were too high so I turned around trying to flee but there she was. And I was face to face with her. She grabbed my sleeve and pulled me up.

"What part of come see me, you didn't understand?!"

"Uhhh, I'm here all day anyw-"

Then she did an uppercut to my stomach and a lowkick to throw me to the ground.

Both hurt.

Next thing I remember I was sitting behind the table in the clubroom again. Hiratsuka-sensei in front of me, huffing but relatively calm.

Yukinoshita sipped her tea, "If you want to kill him do it somewhere else, we don't have any plastic sheets here in the clubroom at the moment."

Ice-queen or not when Hiratsuka came for me she tried to stop her, a little.

"Hikki are you okay?" Yuigahama was rubbing my back, sitting beside me.

"Whatever is the reason for this display sensei," Yukinoshita asked calmly. "There are many things wrong with Hikigaya-kun but I don't think even he deserves that."

Hiratsuka-sensei smiled and crossed her arms, "Hikigaya will repreat this grade."

"What?!"

"Hikki?!"

And there it was, my match with the weight of the world ended in a knock-out. It was time to throw in the towel. But I couldn't say a thing, I wasn't scared or hurt or defeated, I was ashamed.

All I could was to just look down and not say a thing.

"Pure F, all way through. One way demon ride to hell." Hiratsuka made a plane with her palm then a noise and explosion at the end.

"What do you have to say for yourself Hikigaya-kun?" Yukinoshita asked, her voice was comforting.

But sometimes the world kicks you in the teeth and you have nothing to say.

"Say something Hikki," Yuigahama was still rubbing my back. "Anything."

"But he's not the only one," Hiratsuka said, her voice more calm and collected. "Strange, but there's a class in this school that doesn't have a student that won't repeat this year."

I looked up.

"Class 1-B, every single one of those kids either already failed or they definatelly will."

Then Hiratsuka sensei looked into my eyes and smiled warmly, "Which brings me here with an offer."

She pointed at me with her index finger, "Either the service club finds why everyone in class 1-B failed or Hikigaya Hachiman will reapeat a year."

An ultimatum. An offer you can't refuse.

Yukinoshita shaked her head, "Isn't that more of your job? _Sensei_?"

Both Yuigahama and me glared at her, she put her hands up as if giving up, "I know, I know of course we'll do it. It just makes one wonder."

Hiratsuka-sensei shook her head thinking, "The thing is, well, very strange."

"First just a few missteps, then before we knew it the whole class was on it somehow."

"What about the school counselor?" Yukinoshita says.

"Nothing, zero, zilch, their homeroom teacher even tried drug tests, but nothing showed. Of course what they do in their free time we have no idea of and that's where the service club comes in."

She looked at me, "Don't understand what made you fail Hikigaya, but these others were sociable enough according to their teachers."

"Then like a lightning out of nowhere they all fail."

Here I am. It's payback time. I dare you to. Come and get me.

Hiratsuka made a face, as if she swallowed a bottle of vinegar, "The circumstances... well, it's very... unusual."

Moments later we shook hands with sensei and all agreed to her offer.

And here I was again, waging war that wasn't mine for reasons I didn't fully understand.


	3. Questionable ethics

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update but I needed some time away from this, anyway I appreciate the feedback you gave me, thanks! Anyway here is another chapter what else to say. Enjoy!

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Chapter 3: Questionable ethics

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The hit meant nothing to you, it hurts sure, but your feet don't feel the ground below you anymore, so you know something far far worse is just about to knock on your door.

You are falling.

Your uniform flutters and you know that you just went over the edge, literally.

And then you crash hard into the surface below, the air is kicked out of your lungs.

You try to breathe. You don't know that you'll never be able breathe again yet. From now on oxygen will be just a distant memory, a photo of a dead relative.

You can't move, everything hurts as you try to stand up. You probably hit your head, the growing warm spot on your scalp proves the point.

And as you're laying there, desperately trying to catch your breath, you hear a faint cracking behind you. Twisting your head you realize you're lying on ice. A lake? A pond? You can't remember, if your head just stopped beating, your skull feels like a can of cola someone threw against the wall – just waiting to burst open.

And then the cracking sound spreads all around you. Then everything falls silent. And then you begin to sink.

Something tells it's all just a dream, but you can't move, your limbs are paralyzed. But still the small voice inside your head was certain.

But this isn't a dream, it feels too familiar, too real.

The absolute cold comes all over you as you try to hold the last of the breath you had in your lungs, your clothes drenched and you begin your slow descent into your water prison.

But still that small voice keeps playing inside your head... Can you trust it? Is it really safe? If it's a dream, why can't you wake up as it says?

And then you give in, fully trusting the voice and you breathe out the last of the air in your lungs.

And you hit the bottom of the flooded pit.

You breathe in water, and it...

For ten minutes I was in the kitchen staring at the wall, eating. My family was talking about the usual at the morning table. Komachi talked about something I can't quite remember. My skull ached so badly I thought I was blind. Komachi wouldn't let me have aspirin because Mom told her once it dulls the mind. She brought me tea, I asked her for a bag of ice. I put the melting cubes on my eyelids. My sister was fooling around. She was rippling like water around me, she didn't talk to me though, but I heard her small feet whisper across the wood floor.

Anyway, there was a frenzy in my head.

I wasn't sure what's true, what was happening.

The dream. I had it again.

I went to bathroom and let cold water run into the sink.

"What if reality is all a spell, and you don't really want what you think you want," I told to my reflection. "If dreams are hidden desires and fears, can dreams really foretell our future? Or is it just more of the past?"

My brain was out of track. I felt cold and my hands were shaking.

I was scared.

I turned to look in the cabinet behind the mirror, mom's and Komachi's part. The usual female gear, mysterious and oddly threatening. I found some aspirin and swallowed it.

I hoped I wouldn't fall asleep again. Through the closed door I could hear mom and dad and Komachi, they talked about how they didn't trust my story about a horrific dream. How my grades went to gutter lately, how I don't have any friends, how I probably got into fights, that maybe someone bullies me again.

My world was crumbling apart, I began to shed my skin. And I felt a rise of something new, something different.

I shoved my head into the sink and the water was very cold.

I came out of the bathroom and my sister was shying away from me. My parents didn't say anything, but I knew what they wanted to say. Probably.

"Well, I'm off," not stalling a second I left the almost cemetery like atmosphere and went to school.

I wanted to disappear, I wanted to go back in time just to remember how it felt to get a decent sleep. The way I felt I might as well be walking away from a train-wreck or a car accident. There was a bad ache filling up in the back of my head. People were looking at me like if I ran away from prison, like if I was out to murder them. Those who had the guts to walk on the same side of the street looked at me through their fingers, they looked at their feet, or they pretended they did something on their cellphone – no eye contact whatsoever.

Oh well, what doesn't kill me... will probably try to kill me again, harder.

I had to rest a few times on my way. If I rode my bike I'd fall a few times by now. Supporting myself with my left hand, I brought up a handkerchief and carefully wiped away sweat off my brow. As I started to walk again it started to snow.

I stopped before the gate, there was nobody around anymore. I was late. For a while I just stared at the gate, thinking.

About the dream. About my grades. About Hiratsuka's offer you can't refuse.

Why am I going to school in this state anyway? Not like I'm going to change anything. My grades were bad, so bad I practically failed already. And I barely kept myself up.

So why? Why was I walking toward the school building.

I had to do something, anything.

No more delaying of the important, it was time to take action, grasp the situation, stop coping with the world around you – control it.

And the first step is to accept the reality.

And I tried just that.

"It's him, isn't he?"

"What was his name again? Hikitani?"

"Nobody really knows his real name, everybody just calls him that."

"He what!?"

"Ewww, icky."

"We better stay away, he's dangerous."

My fellow students who never saw me among the mass of others now passionately talked about me behind my back, right in my face. That's the most cruel way of gossip, someone talks badly about you, right before you. You know what I mean, how you walk in the room and people start whispering 'Oh that's him, the Yukinoshita guy', laughing right in your face not caring about your own feelings, showing no empathy.

And that's the most badass gossip deployed.

Anyway as I walked the hall headed to my class, scaring off my classmates, there was Hiratsuka and waving she walked up to me.

Trailing behind her was Yukinoshita Yukino, her arms crossed, frown on her face.

"Hikigaya," sensei greeted me.

"You keep suprising me Hikigaya-kun, still working on the image of yours," Yukinoshita smiled. "And without a flaw I dare to say."

"We all have our recepie for success, I guess."

"Come with me, I excused you both," Hiratsuka said and started to walk away expecting me to follow.

"Why? Like right now?" My eyes felt as if opened by razors.

"Yes, the school counselor usually leaves after lunch," Yukinoshita said.

"The school counselor?"

"He did talk with each student in 1-B before."

"Oh."

Must be nice knowing what you're actually doing.

"Wake up already Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita flicked my nose.

To which I reacted five seconds later, "Dark dreams don't die, let's just get this over with."

"Are you okay?" Hiratsuka was worried now.

"I'm fine." And we went inside.

We entered the room and sensei closed the door behind me, staying there like a watchdog.

"Ah, there you are," the counselor gestured toward a chair. "Please have a seat, Yukinoshita-san."

I just stood there.

"So what do you want?" He closed some document file and looked up. "Be my guests, it's not like I'm doing anything important now at all."

"It's about class 1-B, Oojima." Hiratsuka said. "Tell them about it."

"So where does little miss Lansbury want to start her investigation," he made a face at Yukinoshita.

"I'd prefer you stopped honing your ego and took this matter a little more seriously," Yukinoshita calmly put one leg over another. "It's _your_ job, after all."

Oojima opened some cabinet, took out a pipe, began to stuff it with tobacco.

He looked at Hiratsuka and pointed with his pipe at Yukinoshita. "A serious one, huh? Looks great on a college rec, right." Hiratsuka kept her stare and said nothing.

"I am sixty-five years old," he sat down and lit a match. "I have two years until I retire, but still I consider this school the better kind, if you get me."

He pointed with the pipe at the door, "And this door opens a lot during the day, do not worry."

Sure twice a day.

"What was that?" He turned to me.

"I didn't say anything." I said.

He turned back to Yukinoshita, "Service Club, huh, my god, if only I dealt with stuff you deal with I'd still have some hair left. All that high-school drama please."

Yukinoshita raised a brow, "What are you getting at Oojima-sensei?"

"How much students this school has, huh?" He suddenly asked.

"About eight hundred?" Yukinoshita tilted her head.

"Nine hundred and sixty-five to be exact," he puffed his pipe. "And how many of those has problems with drugs you think and no I'm not talking about vodka in orange juice or cigarettes here."

Out of corner of my eye I saw Yukinoshita bit her lip.

"Oojima." Hiratsuka cut in.

"Nothing, well, look at our little detectives, that's the stuff I deal with here missy and I won't be judged by-"

This guy was way beyond the burnout syndrome, Yukinoshita was supposed to retort with something smart and sharp any moment now. Just wait for it. But she didn't. Something was wrong.

I stepped beside Yukinoshita, "Hey, lay off old man, we can see your candle burned out a while ago, but we're not here to get laughed at or give you CPR when you get a heart-attack so give us something or we leave."

He laughed, then looked at Hiratsuka, "I like this guy, I like them both, to be young and foolish again, very well."

He opened his desk and pulled out some hefty looking file.

"The students in 1-B and what they told me," he threw it to me and I barely caught it. "Choke on it."

We left him in his own little world then and were on our way.

"Now you see why I try to counsel you myself, Hikigaya."

Yukinoshita crossed her arms again, "Apparently someone has problems of his own, it just suprises me he's in that position. Shouldn't he be someone you could rely on?"

I smiled, "I bet he's the first one to find a bathroom wherever he goes."

We all laughed then.

Yukinoshita looked at me, her look said 'thanks for backing me up' or at least I try to imagine that.

I nodded back.

Hiratsuka coughed and we both jumped up, "Now back to classes you two, I'll keep the file with me for now and we meet in your clubroom after school, now shoo."

Telling the teacher the reason I missed half of the period because I was at a counseling office wasn't such a bright idea, I stopped at the part that it was with Yukinoshita.

I sat down and filled in Yuigahama about the file, that we need to meet at the clubroom after school.

"SHUT IT!" The teacher threw a chalk my way, it hit me in the forehead.

Everybody laughed Yuigahama Yui included. We turned our attention back to the period.

After school we went to the clubroom for the briefing.

"So this is what we have," Hiratsuka put the file on the table. "21 interviews from everyone in 1-B, where Oojima asked them about their problems, if they have any trouble at home and so on."

At that moment it struck me, this is serious business, twenty-one students from one grade have failed that grade. I wondered if the answer 'why' is really somewhere in that file. Or if it really is that simple.

Yuigahama approached the file and openned it at a random page, "Hmmm, seems somehow wrong reading this personal stuff."

"What attrocities we wouldn't commit to keep our favorite loser with us, right Yui-san?" Yukinoshita smiled at me.

"What are we looking for?" I asked Hiratsuka, but she just shrugged.

"Don't look at me I'm as stumped as you are, never seen anything like it as a teacher and other teachers are speaking of it as a supernatural phenomena too."

"Supernatural phenomena?" I chuckled, "I don't think it's some ghosts doing they all failed."

"Me neither," she smiled. "Yeah that came out kind of wrong."

We all sat toghether and gathered around the file, and as Yukinoshita said we split it into four piles. So each of us would have something and it wouldn't take forever to read it.

"Well." The third time Yukinoshita Yukino shook her head, but still turned a page and read along.

Hiratsuka read too, but she was frowning. Yuigahama played with her phone, then when she saw me looking she came back to her part, letting out an embarrassed laugh.

Me I was fed up.

It got really tiring and I really really didn't want to fall asleep.

"Hey Yukinoshita," I said.

"What is it?"

"It's just... what exactly are we looking for," I asked.

The interview isn't just all questions, at the beginning the counselor asks about name, date of birth, where the kid lives, if he has siblings, if he has parents divorced, if he or she has health problems etc. Then he asks somehow evading the issue but initially gets to the point of what's the problem, one kid in my part said that maybe how her parents have problems at work, so they work late and she's mostly left alone at home. But everyone else says they don't know what the problem is.

"It just seems too normal I mean."

"That's right, me too Yukinon," Yuigahama said, joining in.

Hiratsuka too, "Same here."

"Hmmm," Yukinoshita crossed her arms. "There are seven questions in criminalistics we need answered to find the perpetrator."

"But-"

"Hush, Hikigaya-kun, you asked," she cut me off. "It's who, what, when, where, how, with what and why."

"That's what we need to find out." She said triumphantly.

"But there is no perp, this isn't some crime show we need to find the reason why they failed," I said.

"How do you know?" She looked at me, ice in her eyes. "How do you know there is nobody to blame. How do you know there is not one person behind all this."

"Well it's just..."

Not possible.

"But first, if all of them failed we should find something that is similar in these cases," she looks at me again. "Something that puts them all together - a common ground."

Looking into her eyes, I couldn't ask anyone else for help. She's just that, always at top of the situation.

She's simply the best.

"W-well okay." I stuttered and went back looking.

We finished when it got dark outside and the snow already piled up.

"It's no use... I'm too tired..." Yuigahama says. "Like if I did too much homework."

"Good one." Hiratsuka chirped in.

"Uuuu, sensei, that's mean."

"Nothing here either," I said.

It was more because I couldn't focus with the ache of my head, the need to sleep and the fear of what's gonna happen if I really fell asleep.

"Indeed, they all talk very differently, some have it hard home, but nothing really connecting them all."

"OBJECTION!" Hiratsuka shouted and jumped up.

"You're using it wrong," I said under my breath. "At least try to seem like you acctually are older than u-"

Wham!

She slapped the back of my head and I fell spreading out on the table.

"Oh come on!"

Yukinoshita laughed, "She looks like she has something Hikigaya-kun, let her talk."

Hiratsuka composed herself, "Well only thing that comes up with everyone is their middle school, looks like they all went to the same one, which is very strange. I mean I seen groups of friends who came to high school together, but twenty people no never."

"Do we have the name of the school?"

"Izumi Central middle school," Hiratsuka said. "Don't really where it is though."

Yukinoshita crossed her arms again, thinking.

Yuigahama looked at me, _"And that helps us how exactly?"_

I shrugged.

"Make yourself useful and take out the computer Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita ordered and I did just that.

Then we found on the internet that it's not that far from here, a few stations to the west, the school itself had a webpage but it either had server problems or was down, so we didn't have a phone number or any further info.

"Seems we have to check out the school ourselves," Yukinoshita said.

"Everyone has free time after school tomorrow I presume," she looked us over and nobody said anything. "What is it sensei?"

Hiratsuka was all smug-like smiling, "Oh, me I can't go, go yourselves don't want to ruin Hikigaya's double date."

We all went red.

"Sensei! W-whatever do you mean..."

"Tell me what you find out, remember we have a deal."

Then she left us in the embarrasing silence she herself created.

After that we formed our plan to check out the school and went home. The snow started to pile up a lot, and it didn't show any sings of stopping any time soon. I was walking home thinking back to that embarrasing silence, at that moment I felt I wanted to dig myself to the ground sure. But I didn't think about the nightmare at all.

I could hear my own jaw clicking.

Happiness fades so fast I can never remember what it feels like.


	4. Re-awake

A/N: To answer the questions, well it's the best I can do. I'm not the greatest writer in the world and never will be, I just hope you enjoy the strory. Anyway enjoy another chapter and thanks for reading!

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Chapter 4: **Re-awake**

* * *

You fall on the ice and it breaks under you.

Paralyzed, you can't move.

The water opens its arms and welcomes you like an old friend.

The dark is blue and endless and you are violently awake.

Time grew narrow, physical. The perception of oneself shifted, it might have been a week or just a few minutes since we decided to investigate the Izumi middle school. My reflection shimmered in the foggy window beside me. It was days, maybe weeks, since I had a good night's rest. The clubroom was silent expect for a low shuffle of pages turning coming from Yukinoshita and steady beat of phone buttons being pressed coming from Yuigahama. Another day and still nothing to show for it. We had to find something about the Izumi middle school or I was going to repeat a grade.

"So are you ready to go there now?"

And frankly that happening appealed to me a lot more than trying to stop it. The world does not revolve around one person. My value wasn't higher than anyone's, I could just give up and stop this charade that had become a real pain in the ass.

"Hikki?" Yuigahama shook my shoulder. "Stop day-dreaming and let's go."

But I always get pushed into it somehow. It's nice I guess, that someone is willing to fight for your sorry carcass even if you gave up a long long time ago.

"Pull yourself togheter Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita was behind me, putting away her tea set. "I don't want someone to call police on us thinking you ran away from a mental instituion."

Retort. Reply. Be a smartass as usual.

But I just didn't have the strength to do so.

I stood up gathered my things and moved slowly to the door.

"Well someone's having a bad day," Yukinoshita said taking her bag.

"Yukinon... let's give him a break for a while," Yuigahama said. "He has it rough lately."

"Fine."

And just like we planned we went to the train station.

Yukinoshita was stealing glances my way for a while now, worried look on her face. Almost as if she wanted to say something, but she didn't. And Yuigahama didn't miss an opportiunity for a physical contant today. She made sure I didn't fall down stairs by holding my arm. Wanted to hold hands the reminder of the way. Yukinoshita of course always cut it short by clearing her throath, or instead jumping to my aid herself.

Maybe this is a love story, maybe not it depends how much you can trust me, or how you view this story.

"What time is it anyway?" I asked. "It gets dark soon these days."

"Half past three in the afternoon," Yukinoshita said looking at her watch. "It's Februrarry 2nd, by the way." ?

"I know that."

She laughed, "Haha, really? Didn't seem like it to me."

Derailed as I was maybe I didn't know, but at least we weren't jumping universes along the way. Maybe the timeline changed somewhere in the past, which would explain the dream that I have absolutely no recollection of happening, but everything I went through in the season 1 and 2 I remember exactly as it was.

Yuigahama checked her phone for the station once again and soon we were waiting on the platform. Cold wind picked up and a chill ran up my spine.

On the train, Yukinoshita fell asleep on my shoulder.

"Oh come on!" Yuigahama stepped on my foot.

I jumped up and Yukinoshita woke up.

"Hmph,"she turned to the side. "Someone's _really_ having a bad day."

"Wait that wasn't-"

"I'll keep to myself from now on don't worry Hikigaya-kun," pissed off she tried to sleep on the rail on her other side.

"Yuigahama you-"

She just frowned at me.

I got into my share of high-school drama before, but this all made me wish for anyone of those. It's not often you get nostalgic for being hated for guilting Minami to accept her role. Or for trying to find what Hayato Hayama is thinking - yeah, that's it, that's much worse.

We climbed a steep hill and finally we were there.

Yukinoshita just looked for a while, not believing her eyes, then she snapped out of it, she turned to Yuigahama to confirm her suspicions, "Is this really the place? We could make a mistake somewhere along the way."

Yuigahama clicked on her phone a few times, "Nope, this is it Yukinon. The Izumi middle school - according to the map. It kinda answers why the homepage wasn't working I guess."

The school itself wasn't that big, a two story building with two wings connected to a central foyer - but it was run down - big time. Windows that weren't boared up were smashed up, the paint was peeling off everywhere. There was mold in the worst places exposing the walls. It looked like nature has began her reclamation a while ago. A wooden fence, the kind that runs around constructions, two and half meters high with razor-blade wire up on top blocked our way. There was something that seemed like a door, but heavy chain and big padlock blocked it from uninvited guests.

"What a twist," Yukinoshita crossed her arms, thinking.

I sighed, "Yeah a dead end."

"So it was abandonned, that's really interesting and somehow a little scary too, right guys?" Yuigahama shivered beside me in the cold.

On the door there was a big white sign, explaining that the building was declared condemned about a year and a half ago after it was found the floor plan didn't match up to the building's blueprints. Then there was name of some company that was going to crash the place down in the future.

"No phone number or adress. Not even a name of someone responsible," Yukinoshita said. "Strange, seems kind of sloppy these days."

"Two and a half meters high fence with razor-blade wire on it, yeah that's really sloppy to me."

Yukinoshita scanned the fence, then she jumped up as if seeing a ghost.

A dog was smelling head of a lettuce some way to the right of the fence. It noticed us and started to growl. Yukinoshita hid behind me, while Yuigahama stopped in her tracks.

"A-A dog!?" Yukinoshita, screeched behind me tighteing her grip on my jacket. "D-Do something Hikigaya-kun!"

The dog looked wild, big, it's fur was ragged, bald spots here and there. It had dried up blood under it's chin and wild evil grin while growling menacingly. Yuigahama started to slowly step back to which the dog started to near us.

I kicked a stone and it hit the dog in it's stomach, it growled again took the lettuce and left.

I expected some sort of fear, some fuse inside of my head to stop me doing that - but nothing.

That's how bad I was, numbed to basic human emotion like fear.

"Oh god," Yukinoshita hugged me from behind. "T-Thank you, I was so scared."

Or love.

"Let's get going," I said. "We have to find some way to get inside."

Yukinoshita let go awkwardly, blushing.

"You want to go inside?!" Yuigahama turned to us. "What are you hoping to find there Hikki? What if there are more dogs..."

Dogs would be the smallest problem when it comes to these run down buildings.

"It just doesn't feel right," I shrugged. "I don't know, this whole thing."

"What do you mean, Hikigaya-kun?"

"You said it yourself, how do you know there's not one person behind this? One whole class of twenty one students fails, they all went to the same middle school and that middle school is about to get demolished. If that's not fishy I don't know what is."

"Hmm," Yukinoshita closed her eyes thinking. "It does look like someone is trying to destroy evidence, but what are you hoping to find inside?"

"I don't know, maybe nothing," I said. "You can go home, both of you. Not counting the danger inside this is breaking and entering."

Maybe it was just for the thrills - so I wouldn't fall asleep.

Yukinoshita didn't say anything, but didn't move either.

Switching between looking at me and Yukinoshita, Yuigahama said, "Come on Yukinon, we can't let him go inside alone!"

"Go with him then," Yukinoshita said.

"But I-" Yuigahama looked at her shoes. "I guess I'm a little scared too, haha."

"I-I didn't say I was scared, besides we're not exactly dressed for the occassion." Yukinoshita said, pointing out her school uniform.

I guess girls aren't that up for some urban exploration.

"It's fine," I said. "You don't owe me anything."

"But we're all in this together remember, besides we're the service club we can't abandon our brother in arms," Yuigahama moved to Yukinoshita and placed her hand on her shoulder. "We'll keep a lookout at least and call you if someone comes and you can call us if you're in danger."

Then she pumped her fist.

Yukinoshita's shoulders slumped, "Uuuu... What if the dog comes back..."

"We'll manage Yukinon!" Yuigahama slapped her back.

"R-right," Yukinoshita nodded.

 _"We can always run away, too."_ Yuigahama whispered in her ear.

"I heard that," I said. "Yeah, well if someone comes just call me and run away."

"Good luck, Hikigaya-kun."

"Yeah! Break a leg, ugh I mean..."

"I get the point."

With that I approached the door trying to open it, but the chain held it in place tight, what was more it appeared to be nailed shut. Someone really made sure nobody would just waltz in through the main entreance.

"We checked that already," Yukinoshita said. "You should look somewhere else, or just slime your way in somewhere, I suppose."

"Hey! Are you saying I'm a slime!? Now?! After all that? While I'm risking my life!"

"Sorry, sorry, just trying to lighten up the athmospehere a little."

"Not working. Just keep a look out okay."

It didn't seem like there was some easy way to get behind the fence, maybe this wasn't such a bright idea. There could be everything locked inside even beyond the fence itself or there could be security cameras and what not. But I couldn't just chicken out now, after saying those hammy lines before. On the other side of the building there was a slope running just behind the fence itself and the razor-blade wire was missing a picece there. This was the only place where it wasn't impossible to get in without some tools. Now how to get over the fence. I gathered some junk, threw it together and made a makeshift structure that looked enough to support my weight. Shaking it with both hands to test the stability the old CRT televison on the top fell down and crashed loudly.

"Guess I have to rework it a little."

Suddenly my phone started ringing. It was Yukinoshita.

"Yeah, what's up, some workers came back?"

 _"No, it was... I just heard a crash and..."_ there was a pause. _"I-I'm not worried about you okay, it's just that the longer we're here the higher the possibility that someone finds us."_

Another pause, I almost heard her pouting, _"Just hurry back okay."_

"Yeah, I know."

So I made sure the thing was more stable and climbed over it. On the other side it looked like a bomb's hit it, but that was expected. Stuff lying everywhere, strands of high uncut grass visible through the thin layer of snow, thornbushes almost everywhere. There were no security cameras at the walls at least, that didn't mean there weren't any inside of course. I just had to be careful. Further in I saw a ladder lying on the ground - perfect. Actually lucky for once, huh? I tried to climb down on the other side, but my hand slipped and I fell into the thornbush, the thorns cut me here and there.

"Aw! DAMN IT!"

It hurt what can I say.

I was lying in the thornbushes just taking a breather for a while and my phone started ringing again, Yukinoshita again, "Yup."

 _"What was that just now?!"_

"What oh that - nothing, just slipped a little," I said still lying there, with some thorns still stuck in my skin.

I could hear her chuckle, _"Maybe I should've gone with you after all, just for the sight of that."_

"Oh that reminds me, I broke my ankle," I said.

She gasped, got frantic, _"I'm calling ambulance imidiatelly! Don't move Hikigaya-kun!"_

"Hah-ha fooled you," I laughed.

A short pause, _"I-I am not worried about you!"_ And she hung up.

Anyway, I gut up and dug the thorns out of my skin and jacket, then I picked the ladder and put it up in the place I got in. It was a little worn out, but seemed in a solid enough shape. Once that was done, I searched for an entreance. The main doors had boards on it and it was nailed shut, but there was a side entreance which was padlocked. The padlock was lying on the ground beside the door - somebody cut it. Also the door itself looked meddled with, half of the lock's cylinder was gone and the door was slightly tilted. Somebody broke inside. I pushed the door lightly and it openened. Someone could still be there.

"It's payback time. Come and get me," Crappy movie lines went through my head.

I tried to make as little noise as possible.

First I went into the lobby. Walls were mostly bare concrete, a little paint here and there. Graffiti everywhere. A few beer bottles, some other trash. Hobos and drug addicts probably. Well it looked empty, and I didn't hear anything suspicious. Looked like just another abandoned building. There was no equipment left, and few papers I picked up from the ground were just some soaked books and administrative documents.

I found a principals office, there were some metal file cabinets left, but they were empty. The principals desk was toppled on the side, behind it was a groundsheet and empty sleeping bag. Someone was sleeping there, I was lucky the girls were watching my back out there.

"This is useless, Yukinoshita was right."

Next, I went up the stairs. More graffiti on the walls - gang signs, names, and street art. I went into a narrow hallway, the paint was peeling off everywhere like it was more than a year that the school was abbandoned. I went into a random classroom. Looked pretty empty. Some desks were as they should be others were broken down in a heap in one corner of the room. The blackboard had a few math problems on it.

Maybe someone from 1-B was in this class.

Even if they were, how would I know? They could be in any of the classes, there was no way to find out.

Next was some sort of administration office, I was ready to give up, but this got my attention. Once again the door had been padlocked, but the padlock was again lying on the ground cut and the door's look was broken too. Just like before someone broke into this room.

Going green-beret, I took a quick peek inside from the corner. There were some destroyed tables and chairs, glass everywhere and lockers on one side of the room. A heap of furniture was lying to the side. It was darker than the other rooms, the windows were boarded shut even though this was the second floor. There was nothing of interest in here either, expect in one of the lockers was an old army metal box, I tried to open it but it didn't budge. It was either too heavy or nailed to the ground. It looked like someone tried to pry it open.

My phone started to ring again, Yukinoshita, "Yup, still here still alive."

Yukinoshita was whispering, _"Hikigaya-kun we had to hide there are some people going inside, you have to get out now!"_

"Oh crap, okay coming just let me-"

 _"You don't understand they don't look like policemen or some workers either,"_ she seemed really stressed _"And they unlocked the padlock and pryed open the nails on the main door. Hurry up!"_

"Crap." I hung up.

I could hide anywhere in this school, they wouldn't be able to find me. Just as I thought that I saw two silhouettes walking up the stairs and they moved straight here - to this very door.

I shut the door, ran to the other side of the room and dug myself under the rubble from desks and chairs. Like a cockroach.

"Fuck this shit! Someone tried to steal from us again!" One guy said in hoarse voice.

The other was calmer, "Calm down it could be just coincidence."

"Oh yeah maybe, just maybe."

They did something with the metal box, looked like they emptied the contents into a duffle bag.

"We have to change location soon that's for sure," the calmer guy said. "I'm tired of beating up druggies all the time."

They went out. I creeped after them through a different route, quietly I went down the stairs and took a nearest smashed window on the first story and climbed out carefully, then I quietly got to the ladder. And climbed back over the fence without accident.

I called up Yukinoshita, "Don't try to stop those guys at any cost let them leave, you understand?!"

 _"You think we are crazy?"_

"Stay hidden, but watch them somehow, where they're going," I ran towards the girls.

I caught up with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, they were hidden behind a corner of the fence. Seeing me coming she ended the call.

"But why Hikigaya-kun? You don't mean to..."

"We have to follow them they're the key to this," I said. "Where are they now?"

"They went that way," Yuigahama pointed. "They came out of nowhere, we didn't see a car or anything."

"Look at me Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita said. "Calm down and think this through. This isn't one of your little games where you can save your progress at this point. We could... I mean..."

"We're just scared Hikki, that's all." Yuigahama finished.

I wouldn't let them come with me anyway, it was too dangerous.

"Stay here."

But fear has lost meaning to me, thank you nightmare very much.

I ran after those two guys leaving my fellow club members behind. They shouted something at me, but I had to get to the bottom of it. I just had to.

"So... far... so... good." I caught up with them a while later, completely out of breath.

They didn't notice me, after about five minutes the one with the duffle bag handed it to the calmer one and they fist-bumped and both went another way. The one who had the duffle bag now went straight for the station. There he walked up to an overweight man standing in front of the ticket machine. The overweight man looked like an otaku. He didn't seem to have anything in common with the guys that went into the school. Still he gave the duffle bag to the otaku guy. Then they exchanged a few words and the overweight man entered the station alone. Then the guy from school left.

"Who are these guys?"

I went after him. The overweight man got on the train for Chiba and I got in on the next car to keep watch through the connecting door. It was weekday afternoon, so there weren't many passengers.

Thirty minutes later, we arrived at Chiba station. Here the traffic increased.

The overweight man slipped into the stream of departing passengers. He was about to exit the platform. I followed him, but due to my slow reaction I had to push my way through the boarding passengers. The train door closed and the train went away slowly. The man started walking to the exit. Chiba station is usually crowded at this time, so I had to follow him close behind or lose him.

"Wait a minute..."

He didn't have the duffle bag anymore.

For a second, I thought I followed the wrong man, but it was definitely him. I watched him the whole time he was on the train.

"Damn!" I cursed loudly, the people on the platform looked at me. "He must have passed it to someone else in the crowd."

I ran a hand through my hair and wiped sweat off my forehead, "Just who are these people?"

I called Yukinoshita, "I lost them."

 _"Thought so, it was you going after them after all,"_ she said.

"Hah-ha, anyway they passed it among other people along the way to lose a tail."

 _"Must be professionals then, we have to be careful on how we approach this Hikigaya-kun,"_ she said, signs of worry in her voice. _"The best course of action would be just to forget about it all."_

"Where are you two right now?"

 _"Me and Yui-san are on our way home, we figured there was no way stopping you in your foolish act. Just what exactly were you thinking? Or were you thinking at all?"_

"I'm beat I'm going home too."

 _"Don't do anything stupid."_

"Got it, see you tomorrow at school Yukinoshita."

 _"...Goodbye for now."_

I was close to home so I walked the reminder of the way. It was just Komachi there, she wondered why my jacket was torn here and there, then she made us dinner and that was it. We didn't talk at all. Still the same as yesterday.

In my room I'd been sitting there at the computer for six hours or six years, depending how you looked at things. I tried not to look at things. The company that was going to crash down Izumi middle was just some normal construction company and there was nothing strange about Izumi middle school itself on the web either. Even the more obscure boards like 2chan had nothing on it. A dead end. I threw another empty can of MAX coffee to the trash bin. I missed. No, I was not going to sleep tonight. It had to be connected to those people and what was in the duffle bag. It could be drugs or money or something else entirely. But it was the key. I could call the police, but there was nothing concrete for them to work on yet - they would just let it slide. The rest of the night I tried to form some sort of plan, but it was either a crazy idea or some chunnibyu bullshit. I decided to keep it simple and leave Yukinoshita and Yuigahama out of it as much as I could.

Soon my alarm went off, I didn't sleep at all.

I said hello to Komachi, brushed my teeth and had breakfast. We still didn't talk much.

Instead of going to school I went to Izumi middle school once again. Back home in the basement I took a makeshift crowbar my father used to repair his car from time to time. I used the same way as before to get inside and went straight to the administration room on the second floor. I put the crowbar into the crack of the metal box.

Just as I began to pull, I heard a siren horn down the street a patrol car was coming my way.

I tried to run, but they caught me easily.

The police released me after about thirty minutes of scolding.

Just as they left I returned to the metal box and tried to pry it open again and again a patrol car appeared. This time they took me to the police station. I was stuck in an interrogation room for two hours, and policemen were preaching me. Turned out they were waiting for me to try again the second time. The police called my father and they finally realeased me. They didn't arrest me, but the policemen, as well as my father, scolded me harshly. I acted apologetic, but their words fell on deaf ears. My father took me back to my school and said something along the lines if this happens again and whatnot.

My father told Hiratsuka that I was just sick to the stomach in the morning, but that I'm back to shape now. In a way he was covering up the mess for me.

"Now isn't that right, Hachi?" My father said to me harshly.

"Of course, it won't happen again," I said.

"Glad to hear it," he bowed to Hiratsuka and left.

"Very well, go sit down Hikigaya-kun," Hiratsuka pointed to my seat.

She didn't buy it, I could see that on her face. But she didn't push the issue either.

During recess Yuigahama approached me, her clique giving her odd looks as she went.

"So, Hikki..." she said. "What really happened?"

I leveled with her, keeping my voice down as much as possible.

"WHAT?!" She shouted then covered her mouth as people stared at her. "You did what?! And then the police, really?"

"Not so loud..."

Then the bell chimed.

"Yeah, anyway I need help from you and Yukinoshita, let's meet in the clubroom today."

In the clubroom Yukinoshita was fuming, well in her own ice-queen kind of a way. She made me sit on my knees in a corner like a little kid that broke the prized family plates.

"What did I tell you, Hiki-liar-kun?"

I looked at Yuigahama, "How does she already know?"

Yuigahama looked at her feet smiling apologetically, "Well... we are best friends after all..."

She sent her a text probably.

"You could have been arrested," she kept scolding me. "Or worse. You're doing everything in your power not to reapeat a grade, but to be expeled instead."

Man I didn't ever see her this pissed off before.

I grinded my teeth, back and forth.

I just sat there taking it in and I felt really bad for making them worry.

Then Yukinoshita just went back to her seat and sat down, she drank her tea as if nothing happened.

"Yukinon..." Yuigahama always had the most impact on our ice-queen. "I think he learned his lesson."

Just as I was about to stand up, the door flew open and a demon rushed inside. Or worse.

Hiratsuka-sensei jumped inside and before I could say anything she kicked me in my jaw, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! YOU THINK I'M STUPID?!"

Anyway when I regained counciousness, I filled her in on our progress.

"Hmm," she thought for a while. "If you think this is the best approach I can't really stop you."

The girls both looked at her shocked.

"I think I know why you're trying so hard," she looked at Yuigahama then at Yukinoshita. "You're almost an adult, and life is all about hard choices. And sometimes you have to do what you most fear. Maybe you're all going to look back at this in the future and smile at the memory."

"Sensei..."

"Sometimes you just have to fight for your future, and it's good to see you finally approach it like a man," she stood up. "I'm really proud of you Hikigaya. I'm proud of you guys."

She moved for the door, "It's too bad that I can't help you much, just be careful okay."

I nodded and she left.

"Hikigaya-kun, I..."

"Okay I'm sorry, but we don't have time for this chitchat," I cut Yukinoshita off. "I need your help again and Yuigahama too."

I just had to find out, it all taunted me pushed me harder to discover the truth.

"We go back there to Izumi again," I said. "I don't know for sure if those two come back today. From what they talked about yesterday they want to change the location so it's possible. This time we split-up along the way they went yesterday, I'll follow them from the school again while you both will wait at the Chiba station."

"You just stay together and run away if something happens, I'll call you when we will be almost to the station."

Maybe this was what I was missing.

I had to turn around and grasp the situation.

Here I am. It's payback time. I dare you to. Come and get me.

I needed to rebel against myself and do the things I most feared.

"So? Will you come with me?"

Yuigahama just sat there her mouth hanging open and Yukinoshita just looked at me blushing.

Yuigahama shook her head, "When did you get so... cool."

"I-I mean of course we'll help, isn't it obvious, we're all best friedns. Right? Yukinon?"

Yukinoshita blushed a little more, "Yes."

Then she snapped out of it too, "I-I mean for the club..."

I didn't feel cool, I felt lost and cold. I was working with anime and movie knowledge in here.

I felt like I didn't sleep in a million years.

Back near Izumi I hid behind a corner and waited for what felt like ages. But there was no fear. I drank another MAX coffee and just as I expected the same guys from yesterday approached the building. I called Yukinoshita to get ready, they waited at the platform at Chiba station. Everything was set.

I yawned, the coffee seemed to lose its effect lately.

It's been weeks since I slept with my eyes closed. The sleep deprivation had began to take its toll.

I looked at the school building again. The guys were there and too close to me for comfort. There was no duffle bag on them. Our eyes met just for a second. They saw me. The calm guy pointed in my direction. The other guy nodded as if he recognized me, his eyes penetrated me. It was all soft as a whisper. I thought I was numb, but stark fear seized my gut.

"Well, well, well," the calm guy said. "There's our little detective conan, snopping around in business he just doesn't understand."

Before it even got to me that I should run, a hand darted to my neck. My body was lifted up and smashed against the wall with great force.

"Yeah!" The other guy choked me, "He thinks he's tailing us and that we didn't notice. That we're too stupid to notice. That we're some chums he plays hide and seek with."

I felt my eyes expanding in their sockets.

"You're playing a dangerous game kid," the calmer one lit a cigarette. "Drop it. And we will never meet again."

Then the guy choking me brought his fist up from below the waist, slow and heavy, as if he was wading through water. He put his weight into it and at the last moment everything accelerated and like a hammer his fist sunk into my belly. Breath escaped my mouth and he released me. This wasn't the kind that Hiratsuka does, this hurt bad. I fell to the ground like a bag of trash. I spat some bile and I was pulled up again, this time by the calmer one.

"Here keep this as a memento."

And he punched in the face and everything went into a red haze.

The dark was blue and endless and I was violently awake.

Everything was blurry at first, then shapes formed. I was in a hospital room. Sharp pain went up from my nose and right through my brain.

"Oh," someone was holding my hand. "You're up."

Her face was red, like she was crying for hours. Her hair dishelved.

Yukinoshita Yukino.

She tried to look tough and efficient, but it just wasn't working. She made a fist and hit me lighly into my side.

"Idiot," she sniffed.

I cupped her cheek, "I'm sorry that I scared you Yukino."

"Idiot! Retard! Hachiman!"

"Hey that's my name not an insu-"

Then she leaned to kiss me. Her opened lips found my mouth and then she pulled away. The red tip of her toungue like a ghost against my teeth.

"J-Just what were you doing, I thought..." she said. "Why do you always have to do things this way..."

It was the ten million yen question I didn't have the answer for.

"Because I'm the biggest damn idiot in the whole damn world."

She smiled at me and leaned in to kiss me again. She kissed me harder this time her toungue darted into my mouth. Then she stopped abruptly.

"I love you Hachiman," she said smiling, tears running down her face.

I am Hikigaya Hachiman the vulnurable, exposed idiot who thought that things will never turn to the better.

That night I didn't have the nightmare anymore.


	5. The setup

AN: A lot of mixed reviews, when I thought about what to write about at the beginning I tried to take the usual concept of high school drama and romance, but to keep that at the sidelines and instead focus on the mystery. Something a little different but not that much still set in the school. Sorry for the long update times too, I just don't seem to find the drive to do anything lately. Anyway will it all be a supernatural phenomena, one mans doing or just a dream? Whats the matter with 1-B? Keep posted and enjoy!

Chapter 5: **The setup**

* * *

The trick to forget the big picture is to look at everything close-up. The trick to drown in details is to imagine a big conspiracy going around. The way to trip the wire is to give in to the supernatural. The way to forget the quicksand at your feet is to be at the recieving end of something good for a change.

All the way on the second floor of Izumi middle school my phone started ringing.

Just as I finally kicked open the metal box.

 _"Good evening, Hikigaya-kun. I was just wondering if you were free tomorrow, there's this carnival in town that my sister bought two tickets for, then sent them to me as a christmas gift. I can't really ask anyone else to go and it would be a shame to let them go to waste,"_ I got the message from Yukinoshita at exactly the same time I openened the box.

At first I thought someone called me back because of the armed robbery I reported two streets below to lure away the police.

The box was almost cleaned out, there was just one CD-ROM. The cover didn't have anything written on it, just a simple company logo. I took out the CD itself holding the data side to the light. There was a small trace of something. It had to have like 10Megabytes or less.

"Hah."

I completed the jigsaw puzzle. Expect the result was me completing the same jigsaw puzzle. The truth kept slipping away from me at the last moment, but now I was really close enough to find the secrets. What in the world was on the thing? Those two thugs that broke my nose yesterday they had to take kilos of these in the dufflebag before. It felt like rushed needles under my skin, all that was left was to read this at a computer.

Anyway it was time to multitask.

First, I took out my phone to answer Yukinoshita, 'Sure when do we meet?'

And second it was the time to disappear.

Just as I was heading out I noticed two silhouettes waiting outside by the only exit. A weasel and a gorrilla - all too familiar faces from yesterday. For me luck always came with a price tag.

"Harry and Marv again... are they following me?"

It was all too perfect, they'd have to watch this place 24/7 to catch me redhanded. Would they try to beat up me up again? I had something on me they worked hard to get around unnoticed. What they spread kilos around the city switching the carrier. I previsulased what was coming to me. They would see me leaving and then would catch me and find this cd on me. All this, all of it it felt like I had woke up into another bad dream. And right now after the rumble yesterday my head felt two sizes too small for my brain. I went back inside and ran along the wall to the ladder. And of course it was gone. I caught my breath and heard as if the idiot duo ran after me.

I took the CD and threw it over the wall, just in time for them to come into view.

They slowed down, Harry the weasel started to smile like usual. He pulled a knucklebuster and put it on his right hand. Marv being a gorrilla didn't need to use such primitive weaponry, being a primitive himself he wouldn't probably know how anyway.

I broke into a cold sweat and my feet began to shake. I thought about calling cops, but this wasn't time for bad jokes. If only I didn't make a fake call just fifteen minutes ago.

So I ran.

"Shake down time!"

Marv caught up to me and crashed me into a wall, then he got me into a guillotine choke. I couldn't breathe. The world was getting small for comfort. I saw floaters in front of my eyes.

"You keep messing it up kid," Harry punched me in my stomach lightly. "This is our turf, take my advice, fuck outta here."

While Marv was still choking me, Harry patted down my pockets.

"Kids these days, so much free time, so many things to do, and the only thing they do is to give me a headache!"

If I could shrug I would, trust me.

"Nothing," Harry said to Marv who let me go.

With ragged breath I fell on my ass.

"Get your shit together already, stop coming here!"

Marv patted my pockets once again took my phone and smashed it.

"Game over kid, you lost, give it up."

And with a shit eating grin the duo left me alone.

Lying like a pile of trash I reached for my phone and tried to turn it on. It didn't.

"I rate pretty high on losing."

I got up and stabilized myself for a minute, there was a raw spot in my gut and it felt my spine was moved or blocked. No pain, no gain. I dragged myself to the side of the building and retrived the CD-ROM.

On first glance it looked blank and too simple to be the reason these mobsters employed such tactics, so my imagination ran wild. I imagined a big conspiracy going around and I couldn't wait to see what was on it.

Back home, at the computer I spun the cd on my finger.

"This is it, the big secret."

The ten million yen question I didn't have the answer for. I pushed it in and it began booting. The green light of my dvd drive flickered a few times and then it shut off. I waited for a while, but nothing opened on the screen and the dvd drive seemed empty when I clicked on it.

"Poof."

It looked like it couldn't be loaded, no big scratches on the surface though. I tried a few more times with some programs I knew and such and still nothing. The answer was there, but like in a movie or anime it kept sliping from my grasp at the last moment.

And it was funny as hell, a NEET like me couldn't get it to run.

I almost felt ashamed.

"Hmmm," trying to find the solution another problem hit me. "Damn, I forgot about Yukinoshita!"

I remembed my broken phone and searched a while for an old one I had before, the phone card was intact luckily. I put it on to reacharge and just as the phone turned on it vibrated.

 _"Fine, we can go right after the club tomorrow if that's allright with you Hachiman."_

Yukinoshita again, I remebered the face she made as she walked me home after I was realeased from the hospital earilier today.

 _"Or you don't want to go?"_

"Crap," I had to reply, the smashed phone couldn't recieve it so I replied with a lag.

"Then it's a date. I'm glad and looking forward to it."

This went without a reply.

Maybe this is a love story. Maybe not.

Depends on how much I believe myself.

The rest of the night I tried to make the cd run on my computer, but no luck.

It was almost a routine to shut off my alarm clock without even an hour of sleep.

In the morning we ate a tomato sandwich with Komachi in silence. I felt alone, lost. The truth was, I began to miss her usual antics.

The way to school was a blur, time and what was happening around me began to melt together. I guess the only reason I went there was the date with Yukinoshita, and that I was looking forward to it way too much.

Of course I'd never admit that.

It didn't take much time and we were getting back another test, already graded of course.

I didn't remember writing this test. Another F, Hiratsuka-sensei was looking elsewhere, pretending I wasn't there. I thought we were cooperating here, that we had a deal. There was another side-note that I should visit her afterschool again.

"Hah," I had to smile.

My laziness was only overcome by my uselessness.

It felt like all of this was orchestrated and aimed solely at me. Like it was a revenge for something I did. No one else got so low as me on the test. Almost by instinct I used my technique of stealth observation as always and turned to the Hayama clique. The happy chosen ones who could enjoy their high school life to the fullest. Their problems consisted of being a third wheel in a conversation and choosing a graduate object. The real drama. While my head felt like a timebomb and I was chased aroud town by mobsters they talked about nonsense I'd be bored of in a matter of seconds.

Then suddenly Hayama Hayato laid on his table, imitating me, "Look at me I'm Hikitani, the misunderstood ninja."

Everyone laughed, Yuigahama included. Although fake like, it still stirred my nerves.

"Yeah, he thinks the patch on his nose makes him cool," Miura said, her arms crossed as always.

"But it really-" Yuigahama tried to cut in.

"Haha right, he probably did it to himself," Tobe laughed. "He's our proto-class-emo!"

Normal days this would miss the target and I would ignore them, wait them out, but somehow I was pissed off greatly.

Something had to change. If I was supposed to fail a grade anyway none of this would matter.

I had to pull my head out of my ass and do what I most feared.

I stood up and walked over to them.

Their eyes were all on me, as if I was tresspassing. Breaking the holy law. It was almost funny.

I threw a fake smile, "Yo, what's up? Something you wanted?"

Nobody said anything, it seemed like they couldn't recover easily from this, except for Hayama Hayato. Our favorite oil-slick on an iceberg.

"Nothing much," he said still lying on the table like me before. "I was just lying here wishing to be more like you."

"Huh?"

He got up from the table, "But... I'm cursed."

Everyone looked at him strangely, me included.

"Cursed by brains," he smiled. "Do you know what torture it is to be thinking all the time?"

"No," a lazy serpent smile spread across his face. "Of course you don't!"

My fists closed at my sides by instinct.

Everyone in the class was now looking at me, every single student. It felt like a bad dream.

He got up and put his arm around my shoulder, "Just joking! Come on, I'm just playing with you! You looked like you were ready to kill me there for a while man."

"Hahaha," yeah that's a fake laugh you big jerk.

"Hayato!" Yuigahama got up. "Leave Hikki alone he was probably just angry for you making fun out of him."

"Relax," his arm was still around my neck. "We're friends, aren't we?"

I pried his hand off me, "If you use that term loosely, sure."

Everyone laughed not at me, at what I said - the joke. It seemed that I was welcomed for the moment and Yuigahama eyes shined as if she always wished I was part of this group of 'friends' and I use that word very loosely. Instead I excused myself and went back to my seat.

I had to down two MAX coffees to get through the day.

I came to the staff room and for a moment I was standing in the door frame like an idiot, then Hiratsuka motioned for me to come in.

"Another F and still nothing to show for it," she said and put one leg over the other.

I shrugged, "I thought we had a deal."

"We do, we still do, that doesn't mean you can just throw everything out of the window and just don't study anymore."

All this while I'm risking my neck with mobsters from out of nowhere.

She opened some file and began to write in it, "I have to make this official, a warning that you will fail a grade."

"Please do."

"Sing here Hikigaya."

"Sure, all accouted for."

"You're unusally calm for someone who has to repeat a grade."

I reached into my pocket and put the CD on the desk in front of her.

"I'm close, in fact this is the key."

She raised an eyebrow, "For all the students in 1-B failing in their class?"

"You bet," I grinned. "Don't rush with those papers much my good teacher for as long as I find a way to read this CD, I get all the answers you need."

Afterwards I filled her in on my progress so far.

"Harry and Marv?"

"Yeah like in home alone?"

"I get it," she crossed her arms and lit a cigarrette. "Are you sure about this?"

"What?"

"About police not being involved I mean," she said.

"One hundred percent," I said with confidence.

She took the CD looking doubtfully at it.

"Maybe I can help you with cracking this," she studied it for a while.

"You're good with computers?" I asked.

She blushed a little, "Maybe."

"Then I'll be glad for the help."

I got up and was about to leave.

"Another thing Hachiman," she said putting out the cigarette. "Your parents will have to get a letter about you reapeting a grade."

Then she put the file she wrote in earlier into her desk, "I can withhold it for a while, but not long."

The last chance.

The finish line.

"Be careful Hachiman," she winked at me.

The crowds of people shouldered around us. People were eating takoyaki and chestnuts in paper cones. Snow was everywhere. Somebody stepped on Yukinoshita's foot and she pulled it back, saying, "I don't believe I got talked into this."

"It was your idea."

She hit me in my shoulder, lightly.

"A-And don't take this for something it's not, are we clear?" she said, "I'd never-"

"It's a date no matter how hard you try to deny it, _and_ it was your idea to begin with."

She blushed and was silent.

The ground was crisscrossed with thick black cables. In the darkness beyond the lights, engines burned diesel to make electricity. You could smell diesel and deep-fried food and vomit and powdered sugar.

These days, for normal people, this is what passes for fun.

A scream sailed past us. A glimpse of some little girl. It was a carnival ride with a bright neon sign that said: _T_ _he Octopus Nightmare._ Black metal arms, like twisted spokes, turned around a hub. At the same time, they dipped up and down. At the end of each arm was a seat, and each seat spun on its own hub. The scream sailed by again, and a banner of brown hair. Both the girl's hands were clamped on the guard bar fastened across her lap. A token coin bulleted past us.

Yukinoshita was watching her, "Looks like fun."

"Guess it is," I said

"I'm not so sure," she said.

I picked up the token.

"Why don't we try it then?"

And we got on, and Yukinoshita looked like she was enjoying herself. Even afterwards she was beaming like a child. In her boots, she picked through the snow and sawdust, stepping over the black power cables.

Holding out my hand, I said, "Here."

And she took it.

And I didn't let go.

And she didn't seem to mind.

And we were walking hand in hand.

And it was nice.

My hand felt warm, and I thought I had opened a new chapter with her. The carnival rides thrashed the air around us, diamond-white, emerald-green, ruby-red lights, turquoise and sapphire-blue lights, the yellow of citrons, the orange of honey amber. And even way past the season christmas music blared out of speakers mounted on poles everywhere.

"So did you ever rode a Ferris wheel before?" I said.

"What do you have me for?" Yukinoshita played the know it all see it all face. "I'm not some barbarian witch."

Everywhere, there were men and women, hand in hand, kissing. They were feeding each other shreds of pink cotton candy. They walked side by side, each with one hand stuck in the butt pocket of the other's tight jeans.

Watching the crowd, Yukinoshita said, "D-Don't take this the wrong way."

"You said you love me."

"That was different. You were lying there in a hospital bed, I had to say something." She turned away from me.

I smiled, "Why are we holding hands then?"

She didin't say anything, but I knew the answer.

Yukinoshita looked up at the Ferris wheel, a ring of red and white fluorescent tubes holding seats that swayed full of people, "That looks doable."

"You scared of heights?"

She turned to me, "I'm not scared of anything."

A man stopped the wheel and all the carts swung in place while Yukinoshita and I sat on the red plastic cushion and the man snaped a guard bar shut across our laps. He stepped back and pulled a lever, and the big diesel engine catched. The Ferris wheel jerked as if it was rolling backward, and Yukinoshita and I rose up into the darkness.

Halfway up into the night, the wheel jerked to a stop. Our seat swung, and Yukinoshita made a fast grab for the guard bar. I grinned.

"Not scared of anything, huh?"

She just stared daggers at me.

"Hey, don't get jumpy, we're here for fun, remember? You want some takoyaki?"

I felt farther and farther away. Looking up, out of the colored lights and into the night sky, we were getting closer to the stars. When I was a kid someone once told me that stars are the best part of being alive. On the other side, where people go after they die, they can't see the stars. The deep outer space, the incredible cold and quiet populated by monsters.

I looked at Yukinoshita and realized what had to be done. No I realized that before, that was why I was trying to get to her. To fix things. It didn't matter if I failed a grade anymore, I just wanted to be with her.

And to do that I had to clean it all up. And pretty soon, before things got worse.

I had to fix it. All of it.

And Yukinoshita just looked into my eyes unable to hear my thoughts. We rose up higher, farther away from the smells, away from the diesel engine noise. We rose up into the quiet and cold. All the crowds of people, their money and hats and kiminos got smaller. The food booths and the portable toilets got smaller.

The screams and music, smaller. At the top, we jerked to a stop. Our seat swayed less and less until we were sitting still.

This high up, the breeze teased, ratted, backcombed Yukinoshita's hair.

The neon and grease and snow, from this far away it all looked perfect.

Perfect, safe, and happy.

The music was just a dull thud, thud, thud.

Looking down at the rides, the spinning colors and screams, Yukinoshita said, "I'm glad you understand me."

"Hm?"

She said, "While I was always alone in the clubroom before you came, I think I always hoped someone would."

She smiled, "...I'm glad it's you."

Her jacket was light blue, but it's not a regular robin's-egg blue. It's the blue of a robin's egg you might find and then worry that it won't hatch because it's dead inside.

And then it does hatch, and you worry about what to do next.

On the guard bar locked across us, Yukinoshita put her hand on mine.

"Hachiman..." she said and I looked up at her. "W-What are we going to do now?"

"I-I don't know."

Holding out her other hand, Yukinoshita said, "H-Here."

And I took it. And she didn't let go. And we kissed. And it was nice.

I pulled back and Yukinoshita said, "From now on, we are officially a couple. You're my boyfriend now Hachiman, so be careful what you do with Yui-san or the others from now on."

"So my life was a teenage rom-com after all."

And Yukinoshita smiled locking her arms around my neck and said, "If you could just hear yourself, Hachi."

We kissed, and she peeled off my jacket. We kissed, and I opened the zipper of her jacket. My jacket, her jacket and blouse. I was touching something I never believed I would.

Here I was, somewhere I never dreamed I'd ever be, I said, "I'm falling in love."

And Yukino, blazing smooth and hot iluminated by the stars, she smiled and looked into my eyes, saying, "I already am."

And the seat jerked into motion again.

I looked at Yukino and she looked up at me and smiled, "What?"

"Your eyes. They're blue."

At the bottom, the carnival man snaped open the guard bar and I gave Yukino my

hand as she steped out of the seat. The snow was loose and soft, and we limped and stumbled through the crowds, holding each other around the waist. Passing one booth, Yukino stopped us, and the man behind counter asked: "What will it be?"

"Time for some takoyaki," Yukino said, grinning. "Hachi, here, is going to buy."

And I couldn't help but laugh.

Some things never change.

Well, not like I could do anything about it. After the carnival I took Yukino to her house and she said we should do something like this again and pretty soon. Then she kissed my cheek and ran into her house. I didn't protest, I had already fallen for her.

After that I went home.

Were things finally looking up for me?

Back home Mom told me to take out garbage, I took it out and met Zaimokuza outside. He was out on his way from some anime movie. We chatted for a while about said movie and my grade free fall. I didn't talk about my progress in the relationship with Yukinoshita. On my way inside, I emptied the mailbox. When I got back my sister irritated our cat and it scratched my hands, it was not that bad but it hurt. I did my math homework. I watched evening news with my parents and shed sarcastic remarks over the news like there was no tomorrow. Later in the evening my parents, probably tired of me sent me to bed. It was like it went back to normal at home at least.

I set alarm on my phone and watched the ceiling trying to sleep.

A green dot was moving on the ceiling.

"Wait a minute," a cold sweat ran down my back.

I looked out the window, a green laser pointer shined through the blinds.

I ran outside barefoot in my pajamas.

On the other side of the road a green laser pointer shined from a running car, it pointed at the mailbox. Then the car shifted a gear and roared past me. It was hard to make out in the dark, but the driver was small like a weasel and the passenger was big like a gorrilla.

I opened the mailbox again, there was a letter adressed to my father.

It was a letter from my school about my suspension, but it wasn't singed by the principal or anyone else, as I was reading it a photo fell out from the envelope.

It was a polariod photo of Yukinoshita in front of her house, she had the same clothes on as she did today.

Stark fear enveloped me.

On the other side of the photo was written: _'We know you have it. Last chance to drop it.'_

Happines always fades so fast I could never remember how it feels like.


End file.
